A quick little statistic to start you off on the road to selling your things on line.

Did you know that in North America last year there were over 2 billion dollars worth of goods sold over the internet? And did you know that only 4% of internet users accounted for all of those sales?

I am going to show you how to do it, and do it for free but you have to pay attention and do what I tell you.

• The first thing you need to do is gather up all the things that you want to sell. Such as old records, gardening tools or gently used bikes.

The key word here is sell. We are not looking to get rid of things, like the baby clothes full of puke stains that didn’t come out in the wash. Or the dented garbage cans that smell like the puke that was on the baby clothes. Your items need to be in decent condition and ready to go to a new home.

• You need to get yourself a digital camera. If you don’t have one, step out of the stone ages and get one.

Beg, borrow or, well don’t steal, but you get the idea. You do not need to spend a fortune on one unless you want to become the next Annie Leibovitz or Irving Penn. In fact there are plenty of places that you can buy a used camera for less than 40 bucks. You could try to use the web cam on your laptop, but that may be a little awkward. If you have no intension of getting a digital camera then stop reading now because your not doing what I tell you. You must always add or upload a photo with your ad.

• Ok. Now that you have all of your items gathered, and your new digital camera at the ready, go ahead and take that picture.

Make sure the back drop has a pile of dirty laundry or 3,000 kids toys in it. I lied, image is everything. Surf to any quality website that sells anything. You don’t see all kinds of junk in the background. I guarantee that if there are two exact items for sale on the same page, at the same price, and the same distance away, the item that doesn’t have your dirty underwear in the backdrop will sell first. Place your items against a bare wall in the house or in the yard with a well mowed lawn. Staging is everything.

• We are going to focus on selling your items on my favorite FREE classified site. I am not a fan of auction sites because they are the ones making money. Although the steps will work on any other classified site, this free classified site is still my favorite.

All classified sites use a form that you fill out giving you the ability to promote your item in almost any way that you see fit. Fill it out completely. Do you think they put all of that stuff there because coding is fun? You need those boxes to promote your thingy. After the basic personal info, like email and name you have the title box. This baby is the start of it all. The title of your ad will kill you faster than anything else. It needs to be clear, correct and compelling.

By clear I mean simple and to the point. Don’t get into too much detail. That’s what the body is for.

What not to do…“bike 4 sale”. Sounds simple and clear right? You couldn’t be more wrong. Is it a ten speed? Is it a mountain bike? Is it a dirt bike or a Harley?

Use correct spelling. Don’t use numbers in place of letters. This annoys more than it helps. Grammar and spelling do matter. Type it out in word and use the spell checker if you have to.

Finally compelling text. Use terms like great, spectacular, affordable, there are hundreds of possibilities at your disposal. Use them.

Your title should read like this… “Dream bike for a four year old”

You now know that it is a small bike, it must be good because it’s what dreams are made of, and the spelling is correct. Now you have made me open your ad. But we are not done..not even close!

• And now for the guts of the posting. Use as much detail as humanly possible. The more information you give, the more you educate the consumer.

An educated consumer can now make an informed desision about whether or not to buy your item. If you post a one liner like “blue bike for 4 year old”, you will leave your potential buyer with too many questions. So details, details, details. I don’t care how goofy you think it sounds, tell them everything. Write a damn book if you have to.

Like this…”Blue bmx bike perfect for four or five year old boy. Bike has new seat using stainless steel screws that will not rust. Seat is leather with criss cross stich pattern for comfort riding. Oversized baloon white wall tires make for easy handling on muddy tracks. Great shape and hardly used, almost like new. Spokes were just tightened and brakes were lubricated”

Now thats an ad body! Put yourself in the shoes of the buyer. Wouldn’t you want to know everything before you spend your hard earned money. A lot of posters make the mistake of thinking that because the item is used that nobody cares. It’s used to you but not to them. You can actually increase your asking price by a full 10% if you include every detail about your item.

• Now for the price. Don’t get carried away. Remember you are not selling the crown jewels, your diaper bin is not worth $2,000,000.00. be reasonable.

Yes you can charge a little more if you follow the steps above, but you may want to do a little research first to see what similar items are selling for. You will not get rich over night off of one item. If you follow the practices outlined here you can actually earn a good second income, buying at yard sales and reselling at this site.

So in conclusion one last thing to add. On Free4UClassifieds they charge a small fee ONLY if you want your ad highlighted. This is not necessary for every item you sell here. However it is a good idea if you have something that you think might gain you a little extra income from a different market. Allow me to explain… Let’s assume you have a rare tea cup from your great granny’s collection. You would get a larger dollar for it in say New York than you would in Boise. A tea cup is easily shipped. By using the $2.00 highlight feature your ad is posted in their RSS feed so the entire country can see it almost immediately.

National advertising for only $2.00. You can post the same ad over and over again and waste your precious time, or for two dollars let them tell everyone for you.

Best of luck selling your stuff. Who know maybe I will buy something from you if your good enough.

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When I was growing up the words that came out of my mothers mouth were gospel! Especially when it came to etiquette. As I am sure most of you can agree, your mother, for the most part was the driving factor behind how you behave to this day. What you say, how you treat others, and even how you dress in some ways, were likely influenced by your mother.

The teachings that I remember the most were around the kitchen table. Join me for a ride down memory lane for a second, as I am sure most will be able to relate.

It’s Sunday evening around 5:30pm. We just sit down to dinner and I hear the following…”Did you wash your hands?”, “Get your elbows off the table”, “Ask someone to pass you the butter, don’t just reach for it”, “Stop flicking mashed potatoes at your sister”, “Quit belching!”, “You are the only one laughing, get that goddamn asparagus out of your nose!”

These things and many others were a part of every day life for most of us. Your mother even told you how to dress. She was the one who told you that the pink shirt didn’t go with the red jeans. She was the one that told you it isn’t cool to wear two different shoes. And of course were did you get the “Don’t wear white after labour day”? Your mom.

I also remember walking down the street and through the mall with my mother, and having her tell me “Talk softer, people can hear you”. Or she would tell me “If you have to fart go down the isle were no one can hear you”. And one of my fondest memories was her telling me “No matter what, if you have to dig the undies out of your crack, I don’t care if you have to drive to Egypt and go to the middle of the desert, don’t let anyone see you do it”.

Which is why we are at this point!

I was standing in line waiting to use the bank machine just yesterday. In front of me was a rather beefy woman with shoulder length brown hair, pulled back with one of those fuzzy elasticky thingys. I am quite sure that she heard me come in which makes this incident all that more repulsive. As I stood behind her I couldn’t help but notice her red and white plaid seersucker shorts were riding a little. (On a side note who the hell buys seersucker anything?)

I, being the perfect gentleman that I am, decided to laugh a little out loud. I couldn’t help it! Just as I finished my little chuckle I noticed a little movement in front of me. I was sure that she was turning to leave the machine. Oh how wrong I was! Her left foot sat firmly planted on the ground as her right foot rose slightly to the toe. Her right knee bent a little, then I saw it! Her right arm came around like a bolt of lightning and headed right for the crack. She began to pull and dig as if she were on the anchor end of a tug of war. Her hand went missing for what seemed like an hour and finally she was done. Wedgie removed.

That was all I could handle. I burst out laughing. She turned and looked at me with disgust as she left the bank lobby. I don’t understand why she was mad, she was the one just digging in her ass.
I hope like hell that she grew up as an orphan, because that would be the only excuse for doing that in public.

I need to call and thank my Mom!

Although the title may seem a little strange the concept shall become perfectly clear, I promise.

Have you ever had a friend or family member ask you to do something for them, or asked you to go somewhere with them? Of course you have, we all have. And do you feel obligated to go there with them or do that thing for them? What if you don’t really want to?

All of the these questions come to us almost daily from the various people with whom we associate. We all like to, on occasion, help our friends and family out by driving them to the mall, or picking up that thing at the store while we are there. We even go so far as to do things that we don’t enjoy, all in the name of friendship.

Family and friends are very powerful people in an individuals life. Surrounded by the kind, loving and supportive types, we will excel and prosper. Surrounded by the negative and nonsupporting types we will be destined to fail in life.

So what happens when we are asked to do something by a friend or family member that we just do not want to do. For most of us there are two options. For starters we can lie and say we have another engagement to attend. Then you get caught in that lie three weeks later when you are drunk and inadvertently spill the proverbial beans. Or you can go and do that thing, then bitch about how much it sucked to the rest of your friends, and that would eventually make it’s was back to the person who’s sucky event you went on.

One way or another you loose.

Even worse, are the friends and family who expect you to do it. Using lines on you like “Well you’re my best friend, why wouldn’t you want to?” Or “But I’m your Mother!”
That shit just kills me. Expecting people to do things just because they are friends or family is ludicrous and down right selfish. Then you both get all uncomfortable and we are back to the same two questions, Lie? or Do?

Here’s how we eliminate the “Lie” or “Do”.

If you don’t want to do something, Say NO!
It’s time we all started to do the things that make us happy. If your friends or family cannot accept that, then to friggin’ bad for them. Who’s life is it anyway? If they are truly your friend they will understand that you do not want to accompany them, or help them out in this situation. Coming to terms with that should be good therapy for them. If they can’t wrap their pathetic little heads around a big fat “NO” then find a new friend, this one is too needy.

For those who are guilty of “expecting” your friends and family to step up all the time, grow up. They have lives to live and may not want to be with you on this little adventure of yours. The less you expect people to do things with you, the less you will be disappointed when they say NO.

Practice with me
NO…NO…NO
See so easy to say!

10. Wearing the leftovers of your meatball sub on your t-shirt all day probably didn’t get you any points

9. Contrary to popular belief, girls don’t dig it when you shoot milk out your nose

8. Picking the lint out of your belly button in math class didn’t help

7. Digging for boogies with that stinky belly button finger didn’t help you with your cause either

6. Is there a reason why you must hawk loogies ALL the time

5. It’s ok to adjust your no no’s, but try not lifting your leg when you do it

4. Dude, you look in the mirror? Your kinda homely

3. All you talk about is your mom and your cats

2. A size 40 pant is not just a nice round number

1. Dude? You were just singing the theme song to fame?

OK, don’t get me wrong, I love my family. I think family is, for the most part, the glue that holds us together. These people should be the ones that you go to for advise on a regular basis. These people should be the ones that you turn to when you have a crisis, or when you have good news to share. For these people, our beloved family, we even make exceptions in our core values.

Yes you will go to the birthday party for Grandma even though she smells like mothballs, and that smell makes you gag. Yes you will go to your cousins wedding, even though you haven’t seen her in 20 years and you know she is just looking for a gift. We will also hug our brothers even though dudes don’t hug. We will even kiss our sisters at Christmas because we think it is the right thing to do. We will for the most part do things for our family that we would never even dream of doing for others.
On these things I am in total agreeance (if that’s even a word).

However

When it comes to the family reunion, why is it that some people feel the need to have these reunions with their beloved families in the skinny little isles of the grocery store? Do they not realize that there is only room for two carts to pass, and that the twelve of them have already gone past what is safe for fire code?

They will wedge themselves six wide between the butter and the milk so that no one can pass.

You can say excuse me a hundred times and they still won’t move. Is it because I am not part of the family that they ignore me? Or is it that they cannot hear me over the constant nattering and hugging? Now what? Try the fake cough? Na, they won’t hear that.

Oh man, I got shit to do. I use my cart to nudge the fat one in the thigh, she turns to look at me, as well as what was in my cart (She was fat remember).
The scowls from her and from the rest of the family were unbelievable. Why am I suddenly the rude one for using my cart as a battering ram. If you have your frigging reunion somewhere else you ignorant bastards, no one would have gotten hurt. They disburse like little mice, all the while killing me with their eyes, and whispering like ghosts in the attic as I pass. I am not part of the family and I have invaded their space. Fuck off, and get out of my way!
I got my milk!

As much as I love my family no reunions for me!!

Is this entire issue really because of phones, or is there a deeper problem? Perhaps giving a license to an idiot in the first place is the real issue. A bad driver is a bad driver regardless of whether or not they are holding a phone. Perhaps these same legislative monkeys need the income generated by driving permits so badly that the testing is simply a formality. Give a license to any one I guess. Woo Hoo another 70.00 dollars.

As far as distractions go…do you have a dog that runs around in the back seat or sits on your lap while you drive? That could be distracting.
Does your BFF sit beside you and gab your ear off all the way to the mall? Totally distracting
Or are you one of these people that drives using your knees so you can get both of your hands on your Big Mac? Although very yummy, also a distraction.
Perhaps your one of those annoying parents who turns around to make faces and noises at your infant in the back seat every fifteen feet. Not only a driving distraction for you, but now I have to look at your ugly face. A distraction to me.

They talk about heavy fines if you are caught using behind the wheel. I will see you in court! There is no way in hell I would pay that fine. Total discrimination against one so called distraction. Until all of the above distractions I mentioned are banned as well (any many more I didn’t bother to waste my time on), go pound sand up your ass Mr. Legislative Monkey, I’m not payin’.